Meeting #2
Meeting Date: Wednesday, Nov. 9
Meeting Time: 4:00-6:30 pm
Meeting Location: FMI Library
Assignment: Please read chapters 4, 5, and 6 in Help for Billy prior to the meeting and respond on this blog to the following questions:
1. What resonated with you?
2. What are the implications for the district/buildings?
3. What questions remain?
Meeting Time: 4:00-6:30 pm
Meeting Location: FMI Library
Assignment: Please read chapters 4, 5, and 6 in Help for Billy prior to the meeting and respond on this blog to the following questions:
1. What resonated with you?
2. What are the implications for the district/buildings?
3. What questions remain?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1. Chapter 6 really resonated with me. I have read through the list of traditional reactions several times (pgs. 78-79), realizing that I have said many of those countless times throughout my teaching career. I can now see that I need to put more focus on how I word things when responding to students. Situations can arise quickly, however, making this very challenging. The words we use, though, are very powerful and I feel I need to put more thought into them. I also need to move past the traditional mindset of feeling like I'm "coddling" or "giving in" when responding to the "Billys". The needs of students are varied, so it only makes sense that the responses also need to be individualized for them. I liked Figure 6.1 showing Mister Rogers and General George Patton. I agree that students (especially the Billys in our rooms) need love, attention, and nurturing, as well as structure and boundaries.
ReplyDelete2. Once again, I come back to the demands placed on teachers. We have a lot of curriculum to cover and are under a lot of pressure to reach academic goals with our students, yet we are given 25+ students most years with a variety of needs - not only academically, but socially and emotionally as well. If we truly want to establish strong teacher-student relationships, reducing class size, adding more associates, and/or having a full-time counselor in every building are things our district needs to consider. Time and money are the two big roadblocks, of course. We need more time during the day to address the social/emotional needs of our students, and we need more money for staff/resources.
3. How do we properly train staff to deal with the "Billys" in our building? Other than taking this class, I, personally, have had very little training. How can we help our "Billys" to not only build relationships with the staff, but with peers as well?
Mel you have wonderful points and I found myself thinking about these same topics while I was reading the section of the book. I agree with you as well that we as teachers need to think about the words we say when dealing with these students.
DeleteI, too, was drawn to the Mister Rogers and General Patton analogy. Yes, finding the balance can be a struggle. the book "Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids" proposes as parents we reflect inwardly on where our reaction is coming from. I think that the questions in this book lead us to do the same. Our own prior experiences also influence our own fight, flight and freeze mechanisms.
DeleteI think that because "in the moment" it can be hard to step out to think, one way we can prepare in advance is to script some healthy and helpful responses. Then take time to practice those responses so that they are more ingrained into our own toolbox to help kids.
It is amazing how the job of the teacher has changed from just educating students to helping to develop the whole child. Definitely adds stress to our roles:)
Delete1. This book makes me take a long look at why a traditional approach does not work with our “Billys”. It is difficult to comprehend that Billy lives in a state of fear, and his negative belief system makes school a very frustrating place. However, I’m now looking at Billy’s unpredictable behavior in a new light due to a new understanding of how his brain is wired. Looking at “ what drives Billy’s behavior” instead of trying to “change the behavior” resonated with me. In order to reach Billy and for him to be successful he needs strong connected relationships at school, especially with his classroom teacher. As teachers, we must validate Billy’s feelings by listening, understanding and empathizing with him. Billy needs our love and support. And yes, when he is shutting down or misbehaving he may even need coddling. He also needs to be taught strategies and reminded to use these strategies with someone he trusts and feels safe with. Again, there is the element of time but the long-term benefits will be worth it for Billy, his teachers and society.
ReplyDeleteChapter 6 was powerful and the examples on how to change our reactions to a more calm and positive response made me examine the way I have historically handled misbehavior. Responding instead of reacting can help Billy feel safe and guide him to choosing more appropriate responses to the things that bring him stress and set him off. I need to practice my responses with ALL students and make sure I take time to listen.
2. I think the biggest implication is it is not too late for our “Billys.” However, it is not a quick fix. Academics may need to take a backseat until Billy’s emotional and social needs are met within the school setting. With additional help, guidance, support and understanding, Billy can learn to be successful. The time and resources it may take to settle Billy down and make him feel safe may cause major classroom management issues for the remaining students in the class. Consideration should be made to provide training to our associates so they too can understand and help our “Billys”. As more and more “trauma” students enter our classrooms, decisions will have to be made to accommodate by either reducing class sizes, adding more associates or a full-time counselor.
3. With rigorous academic and social expectations how can we provide something different for Billy? Since many of our “Billys” lack social skills and struggle with peer relationships that they so desperately need and want, how can we help foster relationships? How can we nurture those relationships? Are we able to find time to have friendship groups for certain students to teach social skills and establish important peer relationships? What other early interventions could our district provide for families with young children that are displaying challenging behaviors or delays in social emotional development? How can we support each other as teachers in providing “time” in our busy schedules to build student relationships and respond to challenging behaviors?
Connie, I love your point about it not being too late to make a difference for these kids. If one adult can show them the positive relationship they need, then it truly can make a positive difference in their life!
Delete1. A few things resonated with me in this section. I am reading the study guide companion along with the text. In chapter 4, the study guide had some alarming statistics. Research was done in conjunction with the fact that most schools focus on academic needs rather than the social and emotional needs of students. According to the data on Adverse Childhood Experiences from the state of Washington, a classroom with 30 children would have the following types of children in their classrooms…
ReplyDelete43% of students would have been impacted by traumatic violence
58% (17 students) have not experienced any violence within the home
29% (9 students) have experienced physical violence in the home, adult to adult
13% (4 students) have experienced physical abuse and witnessed violence, adult to adult
This is scary stuff when you really think about our classrooms. It is a wonder we get any academics taught.
I also found chapter 6 powerful. I really connected with the section about praise since I have witnessed it first hand. The fact that students with a history of trauma do not take praise and compliments well is disheartening. It is interesting that minutes after you praise them for a certain behavior, they are acting just the opposite. This book pointed out that they do not feel worthy of the complement and are acting out to try and prove their unworthiness to the teacher or other adult.
2. I am concerned with the fact that the academic demand keeps increasing, in the field of education, but the time and the resources keep decreasing. I feel in order to have successful students, teachers and schools need to start focusing on the social and emotional well being of our children. I think that we try as hard as we can but it is not always good enough. In order to do it right, we need to keep class sizes down, have associates in every classroom, and have a counselor who is on staff full time.
3. All staff members need to have the information that we as study group participants are gathering from reading Help for Billy and through our discussions. How do we get that information out to everyone? How do we train our staff to help with the “Billy’s” in our classroom and how can we all become consistent?
Chapter 6 information regarding praise was so very powerful! Many times in my teaching career, I've thought, "Aha! That was AWESOME!" when a student had a major breakthrough with a changed behavior or demonstration of a skill. I share that excitement through praise with the student and within moments things seem to fall apart. This chapter provided some great reasons why that is.
DeleteI agree that our staff, district-wide, needs more training in how to help meet the social and emotional needs of our students - all of them. What will help Billy, will also help every other student.
Kelly Wilkinson
ReplyDelete1. I found the language development of a child interesting when the author brought attention to the fact that children need adults to take the time to listen, talk, read, sing, and play games with them. It must be meaningful. Unfortunately, today we see so many families not communicating due to cell phones. To avoid negativity, students will avoid taking risks. That is where the avoidance of doing school work comes from. We want all of our students to be comfortable enough in our classroom to feel as though they can take a risk when learning. I found it interesting when the book talked about the second question in chapter six alluding to the teacher avoiding top-down control. I struggle with this concept in that I feel as though more students do not see the teacher as an athoratative (spelling?) figure, when they should. More opinions on this would be helpful!
2. As a district we need to continue to reinforce the positive feedback. As stated in the book, by the time a child is eight years old, they are typically told seven times more negative messages than positive messages. Relationships with students are a must!
3. How do we give the additional help needed to overcome limitations early on in our educational system? Can the community reach out to young expecting mothers more than it does now in order to educate? Do we have the right kind of programs in our younger grades to help these students early on?
Kelly, Not sure this is totally appropriate- but I want to comment on your interest in language development and your mothering of Emma. You are such a wonderful mom and you are constantly a positive communicator. You talk and sing to her with such joy everyday- even at the end of the day when the rest of us are cranky-you aren't! I'm so honored to be across the hall from you to witness all you do.
DeleteThank you:) Bring on the tears. I appreciate that.
Delete1. What resonated with me:
ReplyDeleteMost of chapter 6, really. I was one of those kids who was brought up in a "because I said so" house, and if we challenged that, we'd be in even more trouble. I noticed, through raising my own kids, that statement didn't hold as much water as it did in my younger years. My kids wanted to be heard---to be able to have a little more control over their situations, so they became great negotiators. Coming into a place where conflict arises with a calm demeanor is everything with our kids. I believe there more kids than we realize, who are living in situations where in order to "win" in getting your point across, it just requires louder yelling. I love this question: "What can I do at this very moment to improve my relationship with this child?" Ugh, how many times have we asked ourselves this question when you feel you're beating your head against a brick wall? But when you come at it with empathy and service and responding not reacting, we KNOW the results work out in everyone's best interests. I don't know that I see these situations as coddling more than diffusing. I believe when you put this practice into place, there's a natural respect present, as you are making students feel safer, as you have their back.
2. Implications for our building/district:
Once again, we struggle with time. These relationships need tending. Often we are putting out fires while trying to teach at the same time so most of our efforts are more like, "hey, stop ____!" rather than taking the time to get to the core of the issue. I have to say, that class size, once again, plays into teachers being able to connect with kids. Opportunities to connect and give positive feedback when you feel like you're on a treadmill.
3. Additional questions:
How do we get parents to buy into this way of diffusing situations by getting kids to feel empowered? Wouldn't everyone using the same language be of benefit, especially when you're talking about kids with severe behavior issues? And are curricular demands that we feel ourselves trickling down to stress on kids who have too much on their plates too? What goes in order to address these situations, where I believe everyone would benefit?
1.What resonated with you? As I read the chapters, I took a few page numbers and what I was thinking instead of a narrative paragraph.
ReplyDeleteP41 He needs help getting a stronger foundation prior to moving forward in his development.
How do we do this? Even though this is necessary- how do we accomplish this and continue teaching grade level?
Last paragraph on page 42 - especially “appearing as if he was lying about even reading the paragraph”
P. 46- the list that shows the socially inept traits. There are also the kids that exhibit a portion of these traits. How many different kids I think about as possible “Billys” not just the obvious ones.
“Children are not little adults” p. 54
I talked a little about this at our first class- but I find the extremes a bit unsettling. On page 54, the author writes about the mother’s beliefs becoming the child’s beliefs. I still don’t believe it is so black and white- so extreme.
2. What are the implications for the district/buildings? While I think we all do some of this some of the time, I believe we have some changes to make in our relationships/language with our students. I found a couple of areas that I will work on right away. But I will have to repeatedly try these strategies, I have learned other strategies over time that I will need to release.
Pages 62-64. Having a voice, affirmations, and mantras. This all seems kind of hokey! But I am excited to try them!
I try to respond instead of react. (p. 78-79) Sometimes I am successful, sometimes not. It is good for me to read through material like this, it reminds me of the person/teacher I want to be and gives me the tools I need to succeed. Like I said, I am sometimes doing these things now, I just need to continually repeat them.
3. What questions remain?
I can get overwhelmed by the needs of our students versus the needs to educate our students. How do I find a balance and be an effective teacher?
I agree, it is challenging to respond instead of react. Sometimes it takes more effort to respond, but the value gained is worth the effort for the Billys and the students in the class. Also, responding does not usually escalate the situation.
Delete1. What resonated with you?
ReplyDeleteThe very last quote of the entire reading section: “Where there is great love, there are always miracles.” Willa Cather
The other part is slowing ourselves down to ask the right questions regarding behavior. In other classes I’ve learned that behavior is a symptom of something bigger than the behavior. Behavior “problems” are not really ever about the behavior, but rather about the triggers and history that the child has experienced. This seems to be the common theme of these three chapters. As a teacher, and a parent, we must question our own reaction vs response to an unexpected or undesirable behavior. By reflecting within, we can respond outwardly in a way that offers the child a voice and a safe space.
2. What are the implications for the district/buildings?
Systematic change must occur in order for our schools to be safe and supportive of all of our learners. Our professional development at the beginning of the year was just a tip of the iceberg. If we can put resources behind staff development regarding psychology and behavior of learners, we can begin to lay the foundation needed to scaffold to the high academic learning we are so often evaluated upon.
3. What questions remain?
How do we systematically help all children self-regulate? How do we recognize when a child is self-regulating and then help them find a way to do that in a way that still follows the “norms” / “rules” of the school? How do we help a student reprogram their beliefs?
Boy have things changed since I was young. I was raised by threats, spankings, "Because I said ", "Do I need to give you something to cry about", groundings, and so much more. I was scared to go against my parents and I certainly didn't want to disappoint them. My mom was the one who was the "bad guy", but if you upset Dad, that was the worst. My older sister and Mom fought all of the time and my younger sister rebelled but I think my older sister wore out my parents. With my own children and students I didn't want to be "that parent", I wanted my children and students not to fear me or not feel they could confined in me for fear of being in trouble with what they did. Telling them reasons for the rule or expectations, I feel, help them understand consequences of actions and behaviors that are not acceptable. I feel they feel I respect them and their thoughts and feels. This also creates a feeling of safety, and that I will help them with whatever it is.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the building, consistency, positive feedback, calm reaction, open dialogue, reminders, more than one way to say expectations like verbal, written, tactile..... All of these require time to teach, implement, and follow up. Learning the child's needs , like are they a verbal learner, tactile or multiple ways for understanding. Then there is the learning for the teacher to understand and teach to that style, like a non-verbal student needs other ways of instruction and even sometimes just understanding conversation than a verbal student. Your head spins after awhile trying to remember that this student has emotional needs so I need to address that child this way, yet this child is my non-verbal learner so I need to explain expectations another way, and this child is having home issues so watch him closely due to outbursts, etc. Then throw in that a situation rises during instruction. I don't always find out the why this happened, which is what we really need to do. Put the fire out at its cause and teach to not have it again. This needs time and a smaller class size.
Questions - How do we get parents involved? How do we teach parents how to implement this at home? Common language?
Funny, I remember hearing some of those same words in my house. I agree with you that times have changed. I was very fortunate to have a dad who worked very hard so that my mom could stay home with my two sisters and I. I was able to build the necessary relationship with my parents that I needed to be a successful student and adult. This book made me realize it is because of our strong relationship that I succeeded, I did not want to let my parents down or disappoint them!
DeleteWhen we wish that parents get more involved, I believe we are looking at homes and schools through the lens of middle-class Iowans. It seems most of us come from the same background (I know this is a generalization) but it's that background that blinds us to the how the parents are involved and active in their student's lives. We often expect parents to behave in the same way our parents did and/or how we are parenting.
DeleteCindy Gatrost
What can we say to students in the below situations that would be more responding to their behavior rather than reacting? (use page 78-79)
ReplyDelete1. "You need to listen to the instructions instead of goofing off."
I’m going to tell you some important directions. Listen carefully because I’m going to have you repeat what I said to your neighbor.
Here they are (talk or write for future reference)....turn to your neighbor. Do you agree on what we need to do? OK, begin!! :-)
2. "I've gone over this assignment three times already; you'll have to figure it out on your own.
I noticed it is hard for you to listen to the directions while I am giving them, please ask your neighbor to help you if you have a question.
I am sorry this is so hard for you, explain to me what you don’t understand.
3. "I won't accept that tone."
I know that you are upset and want to be heard. Let's make that happen together using a calm voice.
You're allowed to have a voice. Let's talk together.
4. "Here's the deal, Billy. The rule is no hoodies. That means, no hoodies!"
That’s a really cool hoodie! In music, though, we need our ears to hear and wearing a hoodie over our ears can make it more difficult to hear clearly.
Tell me what you are feeling when you wear your hoodie because I can really see you like to wear it?
Do you know our rule about hoodies? Allow student to respond. Then teacher responds appropriately to the response. I.E. If student says “no” then the teacher take the moment to teach the lesson. If student says “yes” ask the student what a safe place would be to put the hoodie until it’s needed for its intended use.
5. "You shouldn't feel that way."
I’m sorry that you’re feeling ________.
It’s ok to feel.
What can I do to help you?
6. "You don't need to get upset. Computer time is over...you had a five-minute warning."
Leaving something we love doing is really hard. How can I help you get ready for your next activity?
I love these! Personally, this is something I need to work on each and every day. In some situations, especially ones where student behavior is an issue, we don't have a lot of time to thoughtfully put together our words and it's easy to "react". I'm going to make an effort to work on thoughtfully responding rather than reacting.
ReplyDeleteWhat resonated with me from Chapters 4-6?
ReplyDeleteFirst, it is no surprise that we have students who have developmental deficits. We see it all the time at school. It is sometimes hard to believe that a child who is in the same grade as their peers acts so differently from others in the same grade. It is because each student has had different life experiences from others in the same grade. Some students have had encouragement, compassion, love, interaction, and have been taught social skills while others have not had the support they have needed. Whether they have experienced trauma at home or some other situation and have not had the support to work through their emotions in a caring and loving environment makes a huge difference. It is no wonder why students like Billy struggle in school socially, emotionally, and academically. It is important to build a trusting relationship with students like Billy, give them a voice, respond to them instead of reacting, and help them with their level of stress so they can function in the school setting. Some children believe they can't do something so they become frustrated and don't even try, we as teachers need to be understanding and listen to their reasoning to see the problems they are having through their eyes. Helping them feel good about themselves and that they have meaning in this world goes a long way in improving their outlook on school and in life.
Building wise: Helping every child and especially ones like Billy takes a lot of time and patience. We all have lots of demands as teachers. We are supposed to teach the curriculum and make sure every child makes academic growth through the year. To make this possible we as teachers need to take the time to nurture students socially and emotionally as best we can. We need to listen, pay attention, and really get to know our students so we can better see the world from their perspective. Ask about things bothering them, what would help them feel better about certain situations, etc. Help them feel less stressed out about life in general and they will be better focused on learning in the classroom. Respecting their viewpoints and responding to them instead of over reacting helps children like Billy in the long term.
Questions: How do we get parents to be more involved in their child's emotional growth? What has happened to students like Billy to make them act this way? How can we help students self regulate without stopping a lesson and focusing on their behavior?